A Bug Story 1 (AKA Why I filled the Cracks in My Doorway with Steel Wool)
As with just about any hot, humid climate, bugs are a fact of life in this country. A sister told me that I should not get to upset about seeing them; after all, they were here first. (Insert me shrugging and rolling my eyes here).
I've adjusted to them for the most part, and haven't seen anything to horrific lately, but that wasn't the case 3 months ago when I came home late one night from hanging out with some friends.
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The ants here are a source of never-ending frustration for me. No matter how clean the place is, there is constantly a few ants crawling in and around the bathroom and table where I keep some of my food. Leave anything out for more than say 20 minutes--a crumb from a cookie, splatter from cooking oil, a drop of fruit juice--and you will have an invasion that seems to appear out of nowhere. And don't even think about leaving the house with dishes left in the sink, those guys will be everywhere.
As I was coming home this particular night, I was fearful of what I might find, seeing as I had left a bowl of cream-of-wheat in the sink, the type of thing that can be an ant-magnet. As soon as I got home I ran to the sink with a can of insect spray expecting to have to fight off the invaders from my castle. Shockingly, I went to the sink and there were no ants. None. I smiled at my good fortune and walked happily to my dresser to get my PJs and go to bed.
I grabbed my shorts and am thinking about what chapter I'm in for my Bible reading...wait. What is that movement I see out of the corner of my left eye? I pull out the little stool that goes under my dresser and something large and black scurries out.
Hmm.
Put your index, middle, and ring finger together. The bug I saw was about that long and wide. It had little wings that allowed it to jump, and the little sucker was fast.
It was well after midnight, and I had to be up early the next day. The way that thing was scurrying suggested that it was more afraid of me than I was of it. (Probably). I could have went to sleep assuming it would stay away from me and just hope that during the night, it would just go back out the same way it came in.
No way. Not. In. This. House.
Imagine me carrying a broom like I'm going to break in to somebody's house with it. I have a half-hunted, half-crazed look on my face as I slowly try to get this disgusting crawling creature out into the open and strike it dead. I miss multiple times trying to get it behind my dresser. The beast flees from me and attempts to hide itself behind my TV stand. That was its fatal mistake. I strike again. It dodges right. Its in the open now. I strike again, nearly splintering the broom. I narrowly miss killing it, but got its wings so it can't jump. It still moves fast, but it's only a matter of time. I attack again, direct hit! I stomp on it with my shoe for good measure, it's not coming back now. I consider hanging the corpse outside my door with dental floss as a warning to the insect kingdom. (In the end, I decide to simply throw it in the garbage.) I went to bed pleased that I successfully defended my turf, but still feeling crawly.
The next day when I saw Carole and Jaime I asked them if they'd heard any banging coming from my apartment.
"Yes, what were you doing?"
"Nothing much."
You said imagine, and I imagined. And it was hilarious. The only thing that would make it better, was if I was watching it w/ color commentary.
ReplyDelete"Phil has come up across some pretty big defenders before, but does he have the chutzpah to make this guy taste some mud?"
"I don't know Greg, but either way, it's gonna be a beautiful play to watch..."
"Oh, he's going for the broom. I did not see that coming."
"Yes, but is the broom a match for wings? I don't know."
"Wait, he's headed behind the TV stand - classic defensive maneuver. Nice work."
"I see determination in Phil's eyes. I don't see any way out of this for the bug. Long or short, this can only end one way."
My grandmother used to put bay leaves (dried, I think) around our beds to keep bugs away. I don't know if it was for all bugs, or just for roaches, but they're cheap, and worth a shot. Bugs are the worst!
Keep the stories coming! :)
Btw, Hindi DC this weekend. It was great! But I am tired, so I'll tell you about it later.